REFLECTIONS OF ENDURANCE

Hello again family! Thank you for visiting and investing into your spirit and soul as we journey together along this earthly path, a spiritual skirmish. Being equipped with the proper spiritual armory we get disciplined (trained, developed) to become very proficient and established in the use (application) of those weapons, for we are called to gain territory as we march in a pace of obedience, enduring till the very end.

We’ve been entrusted a living, breathing sword of the spirit – the Holy Text, which we are instructed to consume on a daily basis. Once digested (through believing and contemplating with the Lord during our intimate time with Him), that Living Word is to make its way out of my mouth. This is how God still works miracles today, for we are invited to “participate” as co-heirs along this adventurous earthly journey, in order to experience true victorious heavenly life while still on earth.

 

 

FOUNDATION OF INTIMACY

We’ve been hitting hard on the understanding of Repentance (obtaining a new mindset) which is the bedrock of a new lifestyle. Through enlightened eyes of understanding, we comprehend that each of us is invited into a daily commitment at being a faithful lover, obeying as the Spirit of the most high God leads and influences us through a life process called sanctification – which is a lifelong vow and an journey of transfiguration. We are to simply turn away from the unhealthy thoughts and attitudes and turn towards something eternal, through consumption of the new bread of life.

Our daily “yes” to our Partner is how we grow in our ability to demonstrate a life of holiness and commitment, a genuinely devoted lifestyle. God doesn’t expect us to reciprocate in our performance – but He does expect faithfulness from our hearts, for He is the one and only true foundation!

Maturity also needs time in order to flourish. This is why we share our testimony and experiences with one another, pouring into the lives of other humans, (which indeed is a painful process because we’re all flawed and let each down) – and this process of growth hurts! But we stick it out, walking this journey together, pouring into the next generation leaders as the apprentice ripens into a master.

 

 

INNER COLLABORATION

Along this path, if we’re open and vulnerable to growing authentically (not harboring offense and bitterness, but rather processing emotions in a healthy manner via Godly sorrow), we realize that the true crises we each face actually resides within ourselves.

Jesus offers each of us a deep and a holistic healing experience, and all the more we grow in trust (intimacy) with Him, the more depth of healing we experience. The challenge is that we must remain focused on the goal and understand that “No soldier in active duty gets entangled in the ordinary affairs of civilian life in order to please the one who enlisted him to serve.” We must remain “reliable and faithful men/women who will also be capable and qualified to teach others”. 

Living in this world we must not get distracted with daily cares so much as to be one of the world. We mature and thus reflect on the “oneness of a marriage union”, when the bond between husband and wife becomes so strong that each one lives for the other daily and wholly, so that together with Paul we can echo:

“It is no longer I who lives, but Christ lives in me..”

Jesus reminds us to “Remember continuously that I told you, ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If therefore, they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will keep yours also” – John 15:20. In His greatness, Christ therefore offers us to “Take His yoke upon us and learn from Him [following as a disciple/apprentice]”.

Why? Because:

Every battle that we face in this lifetime will be over God’s Word

 

 

VIOLATORS VS OVERCOMERS

God designed a protectory margin around the Tree of Life, and the adversary challenged the woman (our emotions, our weaker {false} self) to violate or transgress that boundary; to listen/obey to the lower desires of our flesh, and thus humanity fell short of the target of obedience, resulting in what’s known as sin.

The devil (world system; shaitan) is a boundary violator, causing man-kind to doubt, to reason logically without any higher (spiritual) guidance, so therefore “all are led astray” as Romans says. That is why we now go through Spiritual growth/maturity, which is a function of spiritual discipline or training (expressed in scripture as suffering/chastising). Why? To learn of course; to grow up. For just as Christ Himself, we too, (as Sons), learn obedience, as we read in Hebrews 5:8: “Though He was a son, yet He learned obediencethrough suffering”.

Therefore friend, you and I are invited to be relentless in our obedience, facing trials and temptations with a perspective of joy, not depending on any circumstances or feelings – because “how you ‘see’ yourself (in your mind’s eye) will directly impact how you think, the choices you make, and all the relationships you build!”

“For it is our faith that overcomes and conquers the world’s way, bringing it to its knees!”

 

 

ALL ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

So here we are today. Summing up all previous discussions, we notice that they all lead up to an understanding of our purpose on this earth time – which is relationships – nurturing and expanding these bonds. But since we’ve all eaten from the tree of knowledge (knowing that there is a good and evil, polarity experience), we therefore bounce back and forth blaming one another. We shift responsibility instead of owning up to our own faults and mistakes. This behavior is a called a ‘victim mindset’. This is orphan thinking. This is exactly how each of us gives away control and power to the other, and then we find ourselves being manipulated and misused in all kinds of ways in most of our relationships, which further breeds offense and malfunctioning cycles; and the saddest part is we don’t realize it, for we’re usually in some manner of deceit.

In scripture we read “It’s better to be patient than powerful; self-controlled rather than to rule a city” and“A man without self-control (one who cannot manage his own emotions or spirit)  is like a city broken into, a city with broken-down walls” Prv 25:28

So how is it then that we give away our power and ability to manage ourselves? Here’s a quick easy test question to determine our own perspective filter: “What do I worry about around me?.. the people or the situation?” Let’s take a look at our life to determine what is each one’s responsibility (when it comes down to relationships), as this is exactly where the breakdown takes place at.

 

3 TYPES OF CONTROL: DIRECT, INDIRECT, NO CONTROL

In essence, there are 3 types of control or influence positions in this world:

• Direct Control – is anything that is in my direct control which can determine the final outcome; then it is my full responsibility. If I cannot produce the outcome directly, then I don’t have full responsibility.
• Indirect Control – is anything that I can have an influence on for an outcome, but with no direct control. I might be able to nudge it in the direction I want it to go, but ultimately the final result/decision is not up to me. Here, we share some responsibilities with others (such as marriage relationship; or workspace).
• No Control – is pretty self-explanatory. It is areas where we have no control over, therefore we must find somebody bigger than ourselves who can have an impact, influence, or control over that person, thing, or circumstance (such as God or a higher authority that we Trust or can be trusted).

Why are we discussing varieties of control? Well friends, it’s exactly what each human being suffers with:

“lacking healthy self-control over our own selves, and improperly exercising control over others.”

All of this leads to unnecessary pain, suffering, offenses, and broken relationships… and then we wonder why we cannot step into our destiny. To boil it all down – the #1 relationship mistake everyone keep making is: attempting to get my realistic need met (a need that I have as a human being, such as love, companionship, encouragement, challenges, etc.) but we go about pursuing that fulfillment the wrong way. From lack of knowledge and intimacy with the Lord (Truth and Wisdom) we all go about living in inappropriate ways, ultimately wounding our loved ones.

So how do we prevent this, you ask?

 

 

HEALTHY INTERACTIONS

It is important to understand honorable stewardship if we are to ever expect a positive, flourishing, and peaceful relationships that build each other up. Healthy honoring stewardship has 3 parts that go in the following order:

1. Responsibility (has an assigned and defined space of control spheres)
2. Authority (grants a certain amount of authority in order to carry out the stated responsibilities)
3. Power (is there to backup authority, to execute a proper response and enforce authority, so as to carry out the assigned and define responsibility)

How is this even relevant to humanity? Why is it that important to understand? Well, for one – when we as men love our wives as Christ loved (and loves) the church, we’ll never have to ask for or demand their submission; they’ll see our responsible demonstration and Want to follow us of their own accord. Instead, what transpires is: through our ignorance of intimacy and not knowing our Father’s heart, we exercise our authority and power over our wives, children, and fellow mankind inappropriately and fail miserably, all because we did not fully understand our originally assigned and defined responsibility, given to us by God Himself!

Of course, is it a wonder why then our society is full of divorced and broken relationships? When children skip steps, they trip and get hurt. When this takes place with close people around us, we cause a boatload of damage as we take others down with us or wound them maliciously – even perhaps unintentionally, but it still hurts and wounds our hearts nevertheless.

 

SECRET INGREDIENTS

So how can we disrupt the broken cycles? Great question – so glad you asked! The secret to the best marriage is to “out serve each other in love!” Remember, It’s always R before A: focus on responsibility before authority. However, it is also R equals A = which means you have equal authority to however much responsibility you were assigned or given (ie: can’t assist other kids, so focus on your own).

This leads us to a deeper understanding then. Since each of us has our own assigned responsibility, what this ultimately means is that each of us has our own sphere and spheres of influence(s). The very first and most important sphere is – myself; my own sphere where I have full responsibility and have full and direct control over myself; my emotions, thoughts, and presentation.

Friends, let me remind you what we’re talking about. We’re discussing the purpose of our density, which is all about relationships. In order to steward relationships well, we must understand the ingredients that make up the whole. Those ingredients are as we mentioned above: control, boundaries, and treatment which all start with understanding responsibility before any authority or power can be exercised properly and in a healthy manner. Having understood this, we can now dive into understanding the makeup of responsibility.

 

SPHERES OF INFLUENCE

We are using a word to describe our power of influence: sphere. Let’s make that a little more visual so we can all grasp the concept. We all know what a hula-hoop is, right? Now then, everything inside my hula-hoop is my direct responsibility. Anything inside a marriage circle, hoop, or sphere, becomes “our” responsibility (the man AND woman jointly). Without clear revelation and understanding, we therefore blame and guilt trip the other party without owning up to our own responsibility, thus the nature of the beast.

That’s why when my wife rubs me the wrong way and I take offense and may remark “you make me mad”, I shift my anger responsibility to her, passing her the authority and power to control me. She then replies, “you make me sad”, which is something inside her own sphere of responsibility, but she passes that responsibility of her joy or sadness into my sphere. Ping-Pong. Ying-Yang. A Yo-Yo of blame and irresponsibility all day long, year after year.

As I mature in Christ though, I realize that I have to own responsibility for my own anger or other any other expression I demonstrate. The wife likewise has to own her own circle and whatever takes place within her own sphere.  Anything inside my sphere is directly my responsibility, and I must learn to manage those things and communicate in such a way that I honor the other’s boundaries, or else I most definitely will be controlled by that life sucking energic being.

 

BOUNDARIES?! REALLY?

Ok ok, I know what you’re feeling and thinking. I hated that word too and it was really rubbing me the wrong way too, because it was – guess what, it was also misused and misapplied towards me too. Many times, it still is applied towards me unjustly, on a daily basis, so of course, as part of growth and maturity, the Lord started teaching me the intricacies of healthy boundaries: where they initiated from, what is their purpose and role, and how to appropriately utilize them as tools of development instead of weapons of destruction.

Let’s take a peak at a previous verse we mentioned today: “A man who is without self-control (cannot manage his own emotions or spirit) is like a city broken into, a city with broken walls” Prv 25:28

With this verse in mind, let us now define boundaries from a healthy outlook. Boundaries are where I stop and others start. They define who I am and what am I responsible for. Boundaries = responsibility. They define where my responsibilities stop at and the other persons responsibility starts, appropriately. Before we dive into discussing some issues – let us first dive into examination of what is found in our own sphere, or circle of responsibility.

 

ARE WE ALONE IN OUR OWN CIRCLES?

We mentioned above that I am responsible for what takes place within my own sphere, or temple, or house. That is a yes, and an amen. We also discussed many times before how we all are broken and nothing good lives in us, outside of Christ (which is the new redeemed life within us). So how can I expect to act appropriately within myself, and inside of my own sphere? Remember the discussion about a “counselor, a helper, the Holy Spirit of God”?

“Here I am (says Jesus)! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with Me” – Revelation 3:20

Friends, we are not alone in our circle, sphere, or temple. We have a divine being living, dwelling with us!IF we let Him inside, that is. IF we submit to His calling, Truth, and way, letting go of all offenses and processing it with our Lover. We’re circling back to the same message and theme, friends. It’s all about relationships! It’s all about intimacy! It starts with the Lord, and then our spouse, our children, our fellow church family and outward it goes as our spheres overlap.

 

FIGHTING FOR UNITY

The path to peace can be messy. We often think unity can be achieved with a compelling speech or a single vote. That just isn’t the case. Peace is achieved through humility and mutual respect. If you desire reconciliation, it might require you to let go of some pride and past grudges. You can’t move forward with the past still anchoring you down.

• If you want your relationship to thrive, get rid of your pride.
• If you want your business to flourish, let go of your ego.
• If you want your family to function again, forgive and let go of the past.

Peace doesn’t happen by accident. For David, it required a grueling process. He had to remind people (when being chased by Saul and had opportunity to take his life) that revenge wouldn’t achieve long-lasting peace continually. It was a long and painful process for David to teach the people how to respect and love each other. But nothing worth doing is easy.

 

TEMPLES OF GOD

You see, in the old testament times, The City of David would become the center of worship, a place (worship center, a temple) where God’s people could gather to seek His face and experience His real presence. But the location was only symbolic. God’s presence is found wherever his people seek him.

Zion represents the spiritual refuge, tower — the place where we encounter God in a profound and transformative way. Just as David longed to bring the ark of the covenant to Zion, we also are called to invite God’s presence into the core of our being, making Him the center of our lives.

 

ZION

The strength of Zion lies not in its walls or fortifications but in the presence of the Lord that dwells within it. When we abide in God’s presence, we find refuge, strength, and security.

• In His presence, there is fullness of joy.
• In His presence, there is peace that surpasses understanding.
• In HIs presence, there is strength to face whatever challenges may come our way.

As believers, we are called to dwell, to reside in the presence of the Lord continually—not just in times of celebration or crisis but in every moment of our lives. Like David, we must seek to establish Zion in our hearts, allowing God to reign sovereignly and allowing His presence to permeate every area of our existence. We may have left Egypt, but has Egypt left us? The strength of Zion is not reserved for a select few but is available to all who earnestly seek God with a sincere heart. The “chosen ones” are not necessarily who God chose, rather those who Chose to Say YES to God!

 

THE ANTS ARE RUINING YOUR PICNIC

Most people feel powerless and frustrated by their emotional responses and cycles. They look around and don’t see a reason to be joyful, so therefore they experience anger and sadness. So often do we get bullied by our own thoughts and feelings. Listen to me closely – we “have” thoughts, but we are not thoughts!

Humanity is much quicker at spotting the negative rather than the positive; to see what can hurt us rather than what can help us; we’re much quicker at practicing, rehearsing, and implementing strategies to protect ourselves rather than attempting to reach out and express ourselves in healthy ways that are not hurtful to others. Yes, this takes practice of course.

For this illustration, negative thoughts can be signified as Ants. “Thinking” is talking to self. Speaking to oneself.

• Roman’s 12:2 calls us to be “transformed by the renewing of our minds”.
• Ephesians 4:22-24 reminds us to “put off the man (the way you used to do things); be renewed in the spirit of your mind (the deeper part of your mind that we aren’t consciously aware of); and put on the new man (learn new ways of doing things).”
• 2 Cor. 10 3-6 teaches us of the “weapons of warfare; take every thought captive”.
• Phil. 4 charges us to constantly “think on these higher things”.
• Prv. 23:7 pointily outlines that “as a man thinks in his heart so is he”.

 

AUTO PILOT

When we find ourselves in an emotional place where we don’t know how we got there, ask yourself these 3 questions:

1. How do I see God? Not theologically, but right now. Is He disappointed with me? Is He welcoming; Is He for me? So often in our guilt or hurt feelings we think God has shifted and moved away from us or from loving us as He did previously.
2. How do I see myself? What am I feeling about myself? Do I like myself more or less? Why? What is driving those feelings or beliefs? Do they align with Truth?
3. What do I have to do to please God and get my needs met? Notice, did I fall back into works?.. instead of “Jesus did enough and is enough for me!”

These three questions assist in centering us back into focus on recognizing our own thought patterns. Cycles are iniquities, and patterns are transgressions. Think about what you’re thinking about. Become the observer of self and this world. Otherwise we tend to run on auto pilot: our thoughts run where they’ve always ran previously and we just follow them as they take us to certain places emotionally (back around that mountain); therefore we need to learn to monitor and manage our thought life (2 Cor 10 take thoughts captive. Roman’s 2 and Eph 4: the key to deep change is renewing our minds/thinking patterns).

Here’s a recipe to remember: BTFA = R. B belief x T think x F feel x A act = R result 

Each drives the preceding and altogether it determines the results we see and experience in life. All this is about monitoring and managing emotions, helping us to level our responses to situations, being responsible for our own parts. Recall the focus of this conversation – Relationships. External events do not cause our emotions, rather how we interpret those events play on our emotions. The bottom line is working on thought management rather than directly trying to manage emotions, since that’s where it starts from. Change your mind = change your emotional outcome. This is self-discipline in practice.

 

HEALTHY SUPPORT SYSTEM

We first learn about relationships inside a family. We first learn about support within family context.Additionally, this is where we learn pain and failure as well. Being around other healthy people will also help me identify my idols; what I rely on or to what do I run to (things or people) that are not helpful to me. I must have truthful people who speak grace (unconditional love and acceptance) in truth. People who can see beyond my mistakes, shortcomings, and attitude – people who do not get offended at my child behaviors or tantrums.

Build a support system to help you handle boundaries and work through what you’re going through. Get around healthier people than yourself. This gives us access to healthier new reference points that will help me to stay accountable and responsible for myself, thus to others around me. They can help me figure out what work I need to do, but it’ll be up to me to actually perform that work, to apply it. This is literally called Wisdom. 

Grace draws us, truth changes us. Clean up your language. Use “I” statements, not “you” statements. Avoid “you should…” statements. Learn to recognize what’s inside my own circle and don’t allow their circle behaviors to affect me. They can continue to act the way they do, but you will choose to be a true self-disciplined new you.

 

GROWTH VS TRAGEDIES

Very briefly, I’d like to share 3 steps for how to deal with tough conflict situations. Remember, first of all, that conflicts are NOT bad, and they ARE inevitable! This is what causes growth, what challenges us to move out of the old patterns, into new and more refined, healthy experiences.

1. communicate my position of love clearly, and my interest to stay in the relationship;
2. explain my boundaries and limits on acceptable behavior (remember to differentiate behavior from the person themselves);
3. define the consequences of violating the limits or seeking to adhere to them (ie: go together to counselor or continue staying married with them while they provide for themself).

This site is very heavily focused and invested into marriage relationships, therefore I mention that a lot. Marriage is still under immense, heavy, intense attack! Therefore I offer advise I’ve learned and have to continue practicing myself on a daily basis!

Don’t bring up her (or his) issues, just state your stance of love, peace, and truth; and offer help. They ultimately decide IF they accept or not. Do not feel rejected or not accepted if they deny or do not accept. That is the free will in expression. If you “see”, then you see. If you see deception, take it back into the real realm from where it started from (spiritual realm) and wage war there, via “Standing in Christ as a champion, mighty Son/Daughter of God!”

Get outside perspectives as needed, even professional help. Pastors, elder spiritually mature friends, Kingdom minded counselors. Remember, there are Many, Many voices competing for your attention and heart. Tune into Holy Spirit, into that pristine love channel and allow Him to lead you through struggles that are all meant to develop you, to perfect your character!

Allow God to renew the way we do things, for Truth sets us free and The Son ultimately brings us into lasting freedom indeed!

 

DELUSIONAL MIND

Friends, all of this worlds’ issues stem from a delusional mind. Religions for the most part are functioning only on the level of belief. They’ve lost their original purpose which was to “lead to direct experience of the truth of who and what we are”. Religious and spiritual systems desperately need rigorous methods which can be shown to create conditions for the Awakening of a generation to take place. Just as Science desperately needs the openness to the possibility of something beyond the physical realm.

There is a lost principle of life; the encapsulating or container: the seed of life. This is what generates and creates; it has an outer shell and core; the very thing that has to be present in order for any change to be able to manifest itself. It’s the generative principle, which governs creation,  generating the results we want: CARE!

What I am focused upon is generally what’s being produced in my life experience. What am I feeding? Ignorance or knowledge? What am I putting my time into? This is the driving force. Generative principle = Genesis (beginning, creation).

Heart, mind, guts = care, knowledge, action = unity in my spirit/consciousness (where there’s no contradictions of what we think, feel, and act on). This comes from meditating (or eating and digesting) the True Word of God.

 

RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD

When I am in relationship with God, it is as a wave is to the ocean. It’s not different, rather an arising of the ocean in its individual form. An expression as a wave; and when that expression is complete, it simply recedes back into the Ocean as an ocean, to repeat itself at another time in yet another expression.

There are also other expressions of God in my own time of existence all around me, starting with my spouse, my wife. My wife was created by God himself. How dare I dishonor her? In fact, shouldn’t it even give me pause before I open my mouth to speak something towards her, or reach out my hand to touch her? She is the Creators daughter after all! Leave entitlement at the cross!

I’ve recently read a quote which states that “we must never be naïve enough to think of marriage as a safe harbor from the fall; for the deepest struggles of life will occur in the most primary relationship affected by the fall: Marriage.”  Christian marriage calls us to focus our efforts on giving respect instead of receiving. We are called to honor someone even when we know only too well their deepest character flaws.

Young love and marriage can be full of interesting revelations, but after a while, these interesting little mysteries become all too familiar and that is exactly when contempt begins to seep in. Every marriage goes through the following stage: an enrapturing love which quiets down to a predictable routine. As our partners in their weaknesses become more familiar to us, respect often becomes harder to live out. But this failure to show respect is more a sign of spiritually immaturity than it is an inevitable pathway of marriage.

 

HONORING WOMEN

We can be thankful for our fellow sinners when we spend more time looking for evidence of Grace rather than finding faults. Giving respect is an obligation, not a favor. It’s an act of maturity, which is the birth and profound understanding of God’s good grace toward me, first.

There are 4 corners of relationships, (which we will cover in a minute). But first, let’s review and consider for a minute, that generally speaking, the problems of this world are between men and women. They are problems that arise because we are either too lazy or too selfish to get to know our spouse well enough tounderstand how differently from us they really are. And this is NOT a bad, evil, or negative thing. It was intentionally designed to be this way!

Men need women who could challenge us, push us, and compete with us in any way. Women want a real relationship. But men see it as a crisis when we’re forced to confront our prejudicial attitudes towards women in general, and toward our spouses in particular. Woman in scripture (even today) were subjected to numerous rejections and often segregated from the rest of society and were shut up in their houses. Today, extreme feminism is on the rise, and we will discuss that a bit later too, and why this is taking place.

But for now, let’s focus on how Jesus confronted these attitudes about women in His time, lifting them up and including them in His inner circle of confidents and supporters. He valued them and wanted them to be around Him. Men have to wake up and recognize their disproportioned perspective of women and recognize why is it that we don’t trust them, or feel threatened by them?

 

EQUAL IN CHRIST; NEW CREATION

As moral entities, men and women are equal before God. This truth doesn’t mean they are synonymous or that their roles should be the same. But it does mean, as scripture teaches, that both male and female are made in the image of God. Galatians 3:28 says “nor is there male and female in Christ Jesus.”

Certainly, it is wildly inappropriate for me to look down on my wife because she’s a woman; but not acting with a disdain towards her is a far cry from what her creation in the image of God Almighty! He calls me to honor her, which is the noble response.

Here is the proper process. I have to learn to better understand my beautiful spouse before I can truly respect her, and I have to respect her before I can fully love her. This is a tremendously, spiritual therapeutic process and an emptying of myself so that I can grow more in my love and respect for others. An attitude of judgment doesn’t break me; it puffs me up; it fills me with arrogance. When I learn to give respect, I become transformed in the process because I must pick up the cross first!          

Instead of focusing my energy on resenting over how little my spouse understands me, I must expend my efforts to understanding her. I must practice asking her how her day was, draw her out; “what was the most difficult part of your day? ..when do you feel like just giving up? Is there something you constantly fear?” Take time to do an inventory of your spouse’s difficulties rather than your spouse’s shortcomings. Learn her world experience. Develop a profile of appreciation for what the other person is doing/experiencing daily; get out of your own little box for a few minutes, establish an intentional connection and truly become “one” with her.

 

GRATITUDE

Cultivate gratitude. Thanksgiving is a privilege and creates a positive focus in life. It’s also an obligation, for the Lord says “give thanks to the Lord for He is good in all circumstances”. I am thankful for my spouse! I am extremely grateful and ecstatic to be living with the absolutely Best woman on this planet! The control that the familiarity of contempt had on me is now therefore broken. I look for new things, as well as practicing to not take for granted the routine things she constantly does on a daily basis in this lifetime.

Contempt is conceived with expectations, while respect is conceived with expressions of gratitude. We can choose which one we will obsess over (serve) – Expectations or Thanksgiving. That choice will result in a birth, and the child will be named either contempt or respect.

Remember the effects of the fall, men. We need to understand how profoundly broken this world is. Sin has radically scarred our existence and the result of it is that “I, a male, will labor with difficulty and angst, (Genesis 3:17–19) and my lovely other will ‘mother our children and enter relationships with mixed motives and frustrated aims’ (Genesis 3:16).”

 

SIN STAINED WORLD

Our souls are wired for what we will never enjoy until Eden is restored in the new heaven and earth. We are built with a distant memory of Eden. Therefore I must learn to daily extend gentleness and tolerance to my wife. I want her to become all that Jesus calls her to become, but she will never fully get there on this side of heaven, so I Must respect, honor, love, and accept her in this reality of living in a sin stained world, full of disappointments, physical limitations, and daily demands. Through intimacy with Holy Spirit first, that refined and righteous perspective assists me to understand how difficult life truly is for my bride, which helps me to have contempt for contempt!

Life just wears us down. I finally realized it was nothing personal (about time!), rather sometimes wives also just get tired, that’s just the way it works in a fallen world. You will never find a spouse who is not affected in some way by the reality of the fall. James 3:2 teaches us that “we all stumble in many ways“ which means if you can’t respect this spouse because she is prone to certain weaknesses, then you’ll never be able to respect any spouse! Or people in general.

So often as I pull into my driveway I find myself thinking, “I’m so tired, all I really want to do is relax or sit in the backyard and read a book.” Meanwhile, home all day, working, cleaning, taking care of kids, cats, chores –  my spouse is thinking, “Yeah, he’s finally home! I’ve had the kids to myself all day and they’re driving me crazy.” This is marriage. These are the situations that feel like they are specifically cooked up in hell. Yet, when there is mutual respect in marriage, selflessness becomes contagious. I think we’re led to this approach by apostle Paul, who confesses that he was “the worst of sinners“ (1 Timothy 1: 16).

 

MARRIAGE TO FOSTER PRAYER

A good marriage should foster a good prayer life. Gary and Betsy Ricucci share, that “a magnificent marriage begins not with knowing one another, but with knowing God”. Prayer is essential to the Christian life. There is no faith walk without meaningful prayer. To be a strong Mature Christian, we must be strong pray-er’s; intercessors; generals of God almighty.

Paul urges us to pray continually in first Thessalonians 5:17. Martin Luther wrote “it is the business of Christians to pray”. A modern day writer Terry Glaspey sums it up with “prayer is a word to which we must commit ourselves if we are to make sense of our lives in the light of eternity”.

Attention Is the Beginning of Devotion. Dirk Devries explains photography as “a means of meditation and reflection, a method of prayer, a key to open the imagination, a doorway into stillness, depth, and meaning; inviting us to slow down and notice, to heighten awareness, to see the extraordinary in the ordinary. Photography can be a form of contemplation, a spiritual discipline, motivated, not by the desire to produce something, but the desire to be in process, open and present, ready to be refreshed, ready to receive insight.”

 

4 CORNERS OF RELATIONSHIPS

Earlier this year, I had one of those nights during which my brain wouldn’t shut off. As I lay turning throughout the night, I engaged the Lord in prayer, worship, and speaking heavenly things. Soon, I hear the Lord start a conversation with me about “leaving behind the first love”. “What is the first love, Lord?” I asked. I felt led to read Revelation chapter 2, the letter to Ephesus church, the entrance of relationships, which is as follows:

            “To the angel of the church in Ephesus write:            

These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands. I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked people, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary.

Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far (low) you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place. .. To the one who is victorious (overcomes/endures till the end), I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.” 

 

FIRST LOVE

“What is the first love, Lord?”

We must wake up and realize that this spiritual world is real and that is our true fight! Not carnal. Not spouse! Not brother, sister. When anything takes over your control of “self” (true self, not flesh), driving you to do otherwise what you believe or want to do, it’s demonic – for Fear affects our sound mind, it harasses us.

When you come to the Lord, you come by His terms – not yours! You surrender. You surrender your hopeless life experience, an experience of gloom, pain, and death and live accordingly to His terms. To embrace “His will” means you give up yours. To crucify your flesh means “God I died to my will and desires that I may live for You and You completely! I lay down my rights. I will go where You want me to go; I will please You even if it’s detrimental to my wishes.” I’m going to Rome (Paul says) and I’ll die there! It’s a life of complete surrender.

There’s a relationship in play here. Yes! Let me say again, that word we keep circling about. You have to have a relationship with Jesus Christ, a submission to His blood and sacrifice; the sole basis that we have power over demons and the darkness is the Cross, the shed blood of Jesus Christ, the Unique Son of the Lord God Almighty, The Creator of Heaven and Earth!

Be in a living vibrant relationship with Jesus. It’s of His name the demons are afraid of, the Greater One inside of me and His authority! Live in the blood of Jesus. This IS the Power of our testimony. We come solely in the power of the finished work, completed on the cross through the torn veil of His flesh (body/sacrifice).

“What is the first love, Lord?”

 

Common Thread

Friends, let us examine history, and in doing so, let us be conscious of the Common thread throughout humanity, which is: total desperation when people (our kin folk) are hungry for God. Hungry for a “higher truth, higher moral”. How hungry am I? Am I desperate for Him? Not because I’m starving from lack, but because we’ve tasted of Him and want more and more and more of His goodness! We remember the sacrifice of love, the truest salvation. We remember the blood poured out for us, the only Son of God above the cross.

How can it be, that there is a table for all who would come? For those who would taste now and see, the table prepared for all who come and dare to take of the bread of mercy that surpasses judgment? How often are you willing to be humble and partake of the offered communion, the relationship of love and depth? Out of this place of hunger and desire of intimacy we get filled! How hungry and thirsty am I? Those depths determine how much God can fill us – as He’s given to us the fullness. There’s something in our desperation, hunger, and thirst that allows God to pour out more into us, and through us.

This brings encounters of intimacy. “There’s got to be more” our spirit/heart cries. Wherever we go, the presence (Shekinah Glory) of God is so strong, we carry that atmosphere as we press deeper into His heart!

 

History Encounters

Charles Finney was a very attractive lawyer who sought God as he walked in great power, that the people who just looked at him would feel conviction and encounter God (Peter’s shadow?). John Wesley, whom: “the love and power of God just covered him like some kind of blanket”, wasn’t as dramatic of an encounter as others had, but it was God’s presence and warmth about him.

All of this comes out of a place from intimacy as we remember the Cross He had to pay, the wounds that made the way, the Lamb who was slain upon the cross. Revival of the nations of the earth all stem from this place. We have to live in a personal place of revival within Holy Spirit. We can only release externally what is internal found within us. Holy Spirit is the One responsible for fellowship, for communion that we have in Christ and amongst each other.

If we don’t have that fire within, it will not reflect around us. Friends, what are we talking about? The first love of course, remember? It all starts and stems from here. This is the communion, where His body was broken and the cup we’re drinking is bittersweet. This is the gift of friendship, of truest salvation which was born of the suffering on calvary. Revival starts in the heart connection between me/you and God, remembering the ultimate sacrifice that opened the gates, the Way into divine eternity and fullness of Salvation, the completed work.

Is there a hunger and thirst in your soul for more of God?.. for Who He is, and not for His gifts and manifestation? What do you and I need to remove in our life that will get that first love back into place? Remember where we fell from in order to grow into deeper connection with God. Revival is personal, it’s between me and Holy Spirit. Until we awaken to the basic elemental understanding that HE IS LORD, MASTER – we will not be able to advance through the 4 corners of relationships.

Just because we “think we’re growing”, does NOT allow us to leave the foundational truth. This is the cornerstone. He IS the savior, Abba, Papa! He IS the Master just as well! We bow before Him, and only Him! Take your focus off of your spouse, brother or sister and focus back on the savior of your soul.Take of that bread, for His mercy is enough, and no one can take it from you. If you feel frustrated in life, you’ve lost your focus. You’ve lost your first love, which is exactly why you and I cannot grow in a healthy manner through the rest of the 3 corners of relationship.

 

RESPECT, BEGETS RESPECT…

Friends, we have had a long time together today in this article, and I must end it now as there is more time to come as we delve deeper into the remaining 3 corners of relationship and life experience. What I want to leave you all with is a phrase to contemplate on as you continue your daily journey, especially for those who are married and are going through storms, fire, or re-molding of some sort. Take heart, be encouraged, nothing is meant to hurt you nor I, and we are called to stand up, to rise, to take up our Sword of Life, and speak His blessings and promises over us as we continue forward, maturing ourselves as we lead out families.

“We must never be naïve enough to think of marriage as a safe harbor from the fall; the deepest struggles of life will occur in the most primary relationship affected by the fall: Marriage”

Friends, let us learn to have contempt for contempt. We are commanded to show respect to everyone, it’s a command! For each of us has a core desire to be respected, otherwise we lapse into a self-defeating response. Respect, begets respect, and disrespect begets disrespect. Christian marriage calls us to focus our efforts on giving respect instead of receiving. We are called to honor someone even when we know only too well their deepest character flaws.

Young love and marriage can be full of interesting revelations, but after a while, these interesting little mysteries become all too familiar and that’s when contempt can begin to seep in. Let us realize that Every marriage goes through this stage: an enrapturing love quiets down to a predictable routine. As our partners in their weaknesses become more familiar to us, respect often becomes harder to give. But this failure to show respect is more a sign of spiritually immaturity than it is an inevitable pathway of marriage.

 

HONOR ONE ANOTHER

Paul speaks to the current church saying that he always thanks God for them, even though he knew them well enough to be familiar with all their faults; yet he continues to be thankful because of God‘s grace given to them in Christ Jesus. We too can be thankful for our fellow sinners as we spend more time with them, looking for the evidence of Grace rather than finding their faults. Giving them respect is an obligation, not a favor. It’s an act of maturity, which comes from the birth and profound understanding of God’s good grace toward us/me.

My wife was created by God himself. How dare I dishonor/disrespect her. Honor isn’t passive, it’s active. We honor our wives by demonstrating our esteem and respect; complement them in public; affirming their gifts, abilities, and accomplishments; and declaring our appreciation for all they do. Honor which is not expressed is not honor.

Instead of focusing your energy on resentment over how little spiritually your spouse understands you, expend your efforts to understanding him/her. Ask them how their day was, draw them out, what is the most difficult part of the day; when did you feel like just giving up? Are there parts of your day that you constantly fear? Take time to do an inventory of your spouse’s difficulties rather than your spouse’s shortcomings.

 

GRATITUDE

Finally folks, let us learn to cultivate gratitude. Thanksgiving is a privilege and creates a positive focus in my life. It’s also an obligation, for the Lord says “give thanks to the Lord for He is good in all circumstances..” I am thankful for my spouse. The control that the familiarity of contempt has on me is broken.

I look for new things as well as not taking for granted the routine things she constantly does. I practice daily to extend gentleness and tolerance to my wife. I want her to become all that Jesus calls her to become. But she will never fully get there this side of heaven, so I must love and accept her in reality of living in a sin stained world; disappointments, physical limitations, and marital demand. This helps me to understand how difficult life is for my love, which helps me to have contempt for contempt.

Life just wears us down. I finally realized it was nothing personal, but sometimes wives just get tired as well;that’s just the way it works in a fallen world. You will never find a spouse who is not affected in some way by the reality of the fall. James 3:2 teaches us that “we all stumble in many ways“ which means: if you can’t respect this spouse because she is prone to certain weaknesses, then you’ll never be able to respect any spouse, period!

Therefore, lay down your pride, your ego. Return to the first love. Remember where you’ve fallen from, allow God to take vengeance on the evil that has befallen you. Don’t take it out on your spouse! Press in deeper yourself, and you’ll be entrusted to lead the way for her! Isn’t that what you signed up for anyway, “till death does you part?!” Hang in there bro.. hold on to His promises and allow Him room to work those miracles into manifestation. He never fails, even though sometimes it seems like he “tarries” or delays, but it’s only His loving kindness which ultimately leads us to repentance.

Have you eaten from the tree? Blamed. Shifted responsibility instead of owning up. This is victim mindset. It’s better to be patient than powerful; self-controlled than to rule a city.

 

 

“A man without self-control (cannot manage his own spirit)  is like a city broken into with broken walls.”
Prv 25:28

“I would have fainted, Unless I believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait upon the LORD: Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: again I say, wait on the LORD.”
Psalm 27:13-14 KJV

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