Have you ever gone through some period of time where you turn back to reflect, ponder, and realize how you wished you’ve done something sooner or different? Well, you’re not alone. It’s something that each human experiences in order to be able to grow and get better in life.
Today is the day when I am starting to blog. I have had it on my heart for years and often thought that I needed to “wait to go through more trials and experience” before I was ‘ready’ (as I was often told), but the reality is – each one of us already has some belt of degree underway, and unless we face ourselves truthfully in the mirror and are able to process our current emotions, situations, or positions, and put it into words which can then be shared with others, we’ll just become more stale and more shut-in ourselves, in more pain and despair. Will I learn more tomorrow and perhaps have a slightly or majorly different perspective then? Yes, highly likely! This is the process of time and growth that we all must endure and walk through – and today’s topic is a perfect match to start this new journey for me.
Just as a head’s up, this topic applies to every single person, as we all have some sort of relationship or issue we’re working through. Whether it’s with parents, siblings, at work, at school – whatever the case is, if it revolves around relationships, then this will benefit you.
But today, I will be going in a bit more deeper, into a more intimate relationship that is very near and dear to my heart and to the majority of the readers. I’m talking about Marriage.
Unfortunately, we’ve been painted a picture in today’s society that typically people’s marriages are all fine and dandy and they’ve got things figures out. Sadly, this is usually Not the case, and far from the truth.
I don’t find much talk today about marriage problems, marriage frustrations, and the difficulties that arise in a marriage relationships when trying to build something that’s worth having and lasting. Why is it that there is so much resistance and opposition? Why so many challenges, difficulties, and frustrations when it comes to such an intimate and important relationship, and I would argue – The Most Important relationship here on earth…?
Building a marriage – especially an Intimate one, is actually a lifetime pursuit, and there’s a lot of pain and suffering that takes place inside such a relationship, a place where the couples get challenged and stretched to unimaginable pains and tests that they would never have chosen for themselves before hand. For starters, here’s something to think about – marriage is like a rose garden.
Yes, now let’s shift gears a bit. Imagine a garden. A flower garden. A rose garden. Any garden of any type requires much tending for and looking after with diligence, IF you want the garden to be fruitful that is. There are weeds that sprout up without invitation and storms to weather. But with proper fertilization, tender care, and waiting – there will be flowers and fruits that we get to enjoy, and we then realize that it was all worthwhile. But before all that, we must get down and dirty sometimes. And then there are thorns, as with any rose garden, but that is just part of the beauty and design. There will be unpleasant parts to being married to someone at times, there will be thorns we get pricked on. There’s nothing “wrong” with that, as we must realize that it’s part of life; that conflicts are “normal” in life and it’s ok to expect them as we must Learn to work through them properly in order to get stronger. Not stronger as in tougher and meaner – but as in more mature and more well-rounded, where we can become more compassionate and understanding, thus thriving in relationships and marriage.
Now switch gears with me for another minute. Did you know that now-a-days there’s a new type of work-out machinery that is computerized and senses your strength? It then adjusts the weights according to your strength, and as you work-out and build more muscle, it adds on more weight automatically throughout time. It also has programable goals that you set and it helps you achieve those goals. Now for all those work-out folks, tell me, which one of you cry and complain about pushing yourself harder and working out more – knowing/visualizing the results you’ll achieve and anticipating the new look or appearance of your physic? And how much better you’ll feel and healthier you’ll be? Anyone?
I’m here to help your perspective shift a bit and see with new eyes, that God sometimes allows us to “lift those weights” in order for us to build some more muscle. You see, He allows these tough times precisely because He loves us very dearly, and trusts in the process (called TIME) enough to help us grow through our challenges. He wants us to learn through these difficulties, just like a seed has to grow through the toughness of the shell and ground. Often times we anticipate that once we get some head knowledge now we’re experts and have conquered that mountain, only to fall flat on our faces again and again as we advance or level-up from “theoretical knowledge” to “practical knowledge”.
In the gospel of Mark, we read an amazing parable that Jesus shared about a farmer who planted seeds. This farmer doesn’t know how that seed grows, but he trusted enough in the process and took the steps of faith (sowing seed) anyways, and they came up in just the right time, as they are meant to do. And the different places those seeds landed brought different results, in order for us to reflect on our own hearts (soil) and realize where we need to be more diligent in. For when we are more diligent and learn to humble ourselves, first and foremost before the Lord God almighty, the creator of the heavens and earth and of you and me and of every living thing, then, often times when we reflect and look back, we start noticing how our conflicts get resolved when we entrusted them to Him.
Remember the story in the good book where the disciples are out on the boat all night trying to get to the other side, and then, in the 4th watch of the night (4-6am) they see Jesus walking on water? Then Peter tries to walk to the Lord on water and starts sinking? As we recall the story, the Lord stretches out His hand and saves Peter once the proud flesh cries out for help, for God’s mercies endure forever. What I’d like to focus on here is that it was the 4th watch, the last watch or part of the night, that Jesus finally showed up. And that Peter wasn’t saved until he cried for help. What if Christ showed up in the first watch? Or stood by Peter as he exited the boat so that he wouldn’t sink?
The more we read scripture, the more we get to see a pattern of the Father’s love. In lifeguard training, there is a lesson that’s taught in how to save a drowning person, and typically it’s after the drowning person exhausts themselves, otherwise while they’re flapping frantically and screaming, they can drown the attempted savior as well. So, we see a pattern with the loving kindness of our Father, He’s never late, but He DOES show up in the most appropriate time – His time, which isn’t always and usually never aligned with our timing.
Now let’s recall in the Old Testament, the story of God’s children leaving Egypt and running into the Red Sea. Was that sea already parted and open for them, awaiting so they could just cross over dry land? No! They not only couldn’t cross, but now Pharoah’s army caught up to them and they were about to be slaughtered or taken back captive. What happens next? We see the loving kindness of God which stands between His children and the army via a cloud (Holy Spirit), and then He parts the sea with a mighty east wind (Holy Spirit) and the Israelites cross over in safety (now mind you, this didn’t take 2 hours, this took days).
Or how about when Elijah was sent to the widow who was about to eat her last meal and prepare to die? Elijah shows up at just the perfect time to ask for her last meal! Now isn’t that funny? And as we read the story, it goes on to state how she put her faith in him and his God, and God supplied her all that year with never ending containers of oil and meals.
What am I getting at? Life will produce thorns and we’ll get pricked, yes, but we shouldn’t shy away from talking about or facing those thorns/issues/conflicts. They are here to help us grow, help us learn ourselves, learn to communicate with each other, learn to work as partners – for our struggle is not against each other, not against flesh and blood; but the struggle is the wicked deceiver who plants those negative thoughts, feelings, and circumstances in us and along our paths in order to cause pain to God – and he’s doing it via God’s children. But we have many, many stories and histories that show the true powerful and loving nature of our Father, of our Lord, and of our Comforter and Guide who leads us ever so patiently and faithfully.
Miracles in reality, such as parting the Red Sea, walking on water, or endless containers of provision – are quite rare. But let’s shift our perspectives and notice that miracles such as – being strengthened to do something hard, or being able to truly forgive from the heart (not just words), or seeing from another person’s perspective and showing compassion, or no longer being burdened by something, or being prompted to go serve someone we normally wouldn’t or don’t have the desire to otherwise – are truly all existent today. Or how about praying for something and then receiving a call from a friend at just the right time who shares something from their life or a word of God that encourages you and empowers your faith with just the information you needed or asked for? God’s grace and love is all around us, and the question is – what are we focused on? Our wild and hurtful thoughts and emotions? The “speck” in our spouse’s eye? The “little debt” that is still owed to us from another?
In scripture we further read:
“What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? Or is he asks for a bread, will give him a stone? So, if you who are evil (mortal people) know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit (answer to your conflict) to those who ask Him!”
Friends – whatever challenges you’re facing in your marriage today, I challenge you to look at these challenges as a stone… or is it actually bread? If you can see with new eyes that it’s actually bread, now see it as a workout weight that you use to build muscle and tone up. Whatever you’re going through today – realize that most relationships and marriages are difficult, and there are plenty of “times” that will be and are very difficult. Yes, it takes Real Work to intentionally build a strong and intimate marriage, so why are we surprised that things will be tough? That roses have thorns? We may have been taught by others, or naturally, to stiffen up, to shy away and run away from problems and conflicts, but dear ones, I am here to remind you that they will never cease, and are in fact tools used to shape us into the living, powerful, mature, and beautiful shiny stones of Zion!
Lift up thine eyes therefore, and remember the God that led our forefathers through all kinds of trials. Get your nose back into scripture and Read the good books of James and Hebrews, and remember, that there is always someone suffering worse, and yes, our sufferings are very, very real and hurt like crazy, I know it all too well; but if we learn to humble ourselves and get our eyes cleansed, then we will grow and mature. Which of you plays any computer or mobile game now-a-days with the intent to constantly lose or stay at level 1? None! So, with the same intent to “upgrade”, shift your perspectives from yourselves and your pains, first and foremost, onto the Son, Who reflects the love of the Father. Onto the Lord, Jesus Christ. And then onto others, in order to see them through compassion and understanding – via love.
Learn to submit to one another in the true way of the teaching of the Lord, and not in any religious “duty” sense. There is much abused “duty serving and submitting” today that is falsely taught and upheld and much abuse via it, that’s not what I’m referring to and that is a whole other topic. But there is true duty given to each to humble and submit oneself before each other, to consider others before you – and this takes first a humble heart before the one true God that created you and provided fullness of Salvation for your spirit, soul, and body.
Relationships will last beyond this lifetime. Let’s put in so much effort into our marriages, to make them so meaningful and wonderful, that it’ll actually be sad and perhaps devastating when our time with a spouse comes to an end. Now here me correctly here and not what I am not saying. The intent is that – when that time comes, we’ll know that we gave it our all, our very best and that all that effort was Worth It! Let’s be empowered ourselves first, and then we can have a Very Powerful next generation to walk out in our footsteps, who will intimately know the Almighty God and His wonderful works, that are very much alive and in our present-day life affairs.
Jesus is the strength of marriages, and He invites us to come to Him, because He is low and meek in heart, and when we recognize our weakness and come to Him with a Humble heart, He makes us strong, and all of this is to God’s Glory. Holy Spirit will always lead us to the emptiness of our flesh and carnal self, first. Yet we often complain and compare to “others” (ie: Moses: why couldn’t you make me more fluent like Aaron? Why this or that.. Why why why?). WHY is a victim and orphan mindset. We must be brave SONS and Daughters in order to move forward with courage, to keep going despite our shortcomings. Our God is not a god of shortcuts, He’s not in a hurry, and will not settle to give you anything secondhand, yet reserves only the Best for each of us and will finish the good work He started to make sure we get there. That promise-land will finally be real and tangible, I promise. Keep pressing into His truth and adjust your attitude to life and its process. Set your thoughts on High, and capture everything else to the obedience of Christ. Nothing good comes without discipline, and any inheritance gained quickly will not be worthwhile and will be lost just as quickly.
I leave you now with our brother James’ words to ponder on and be encouraged with:
“Consider it nothing but joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you fall into various trials or conflicts. Be assured that the testing of your faith [through experience] produces endurance, which leads to spiritual maturity, and inner peace. And let this endurance have its perfect result and perform a thorough work in you, so that you may become perfect and completely developed in your faith, lacking in nothing. Any if any of you lacks wisdom [to guide him through a decision or circumstance], he is to ask of our benevolent God, who gives to everyone generously and without rebuke or blame, and it will be given to him. Blessed, happy, spiritually prosperous, and favored by God is the man who is steadfast under trial and perseveres when tempted; for when he has passed the test and been approved, he will receive the victor’s crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him!”
“If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don’t expose it to the elements. You don’t make it common or ordinary.
If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by.“ F. Burton Howard
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WRITER – FATHER – SON
